Paper Planes

I've tried starting this post about a million different ways to conceal the pissed off mood I'm currently in and the venting that I feel is about to perculate through the surface of this blog as I try to write about mundane apostrophes. What's the point in concealing my feelings? Perhaps I've been reading too much Kozol lately and the injustices of public school education are now too blatent to avoid.

When I've gone days, weeks, and months between posts, I ask myself the point and purpose of this blog . I've forgotten that deep down inside I'm a Writer and that writing is what Writer's do. Also, since this is my first year of hazing in the New York City public schools systems I thought it would be interesting to add my 2 cents to the world of blogging about a first year teacher's experience trying to navigate through the red tape, frustrations and joys of teaching.

But what has pushed me to write this morning during my prep period is simply, paper. Yep, paper. I can't find a single fringin' sheet of paper in the entire building. I gave my last little stack to my co-teacher to make copies and now I have no more. What she did with the rest I'll have no idea, but what pisses me off is that my search for paper is not a daily search, but a search that takes up hours of my day.

My first memories of starting in the teaching profession is me at Staples making hundreds of copies (out of pocket) for my students because "there was no paper in the entire building" and because none of the copy machines in the building were functioning. How does this happen? I'm not teaching in the South Bronx. I'm not teaching in Red Hook (Brooklyn). I'm not teaching off 125th street in Harlem. I'm teaching in the heart of Chelsea... a 15 minute walk to 5 th avenue, a 6 minute walk from Stella McCartney's flagship store, and a 4 minute walk to overpriced (but yummy) and overhyped Pinkberry frozen yogurt. My students wear everything from American Eagle to Chanel on a daily basis. No one is hurting for money and yet there's no paper in the school, only 1 computer that works in the a teachers lounge (out of 2), and an occassionally functional copy machine that won't allow you to do double-sided printing, and that must have it's paper "fluffed' before being put into the machine.

Come on people.

Little things like this is what makes my job difficult. How can I teach If my students don't have handouts, how can I work ahead if there's only 1 working computer, how can I last another year if no one is recognizing the wrongs that need to be fixed. No one is asking for more money or more man power. I work in one of the most hardest working schools in the city. I have some amazing colleagues that go over and beyond what is asked of them on a daily basis. We just want to do our job and do it well, but the conditions that are created for us make working virtually impossible.

And with that said, there won't be any handouts for my 6th period class about their next major project.

Am I the only teacher experiencing this? I need to go finish grading, but I wanted to just vent and let my thoughts loose into cyberspace. I feel a little better. Today's friday, which means yoga, so everything will, eventually, be ok :)

have a good weekend!
ms. p

2009

Happy Belated New Year!  

I've been wanting to blog for a few days now, but with the 2 week Winter Break I just couldn't quite find the time to even crack open my precious Macbook.  The last week of school before Winter Break is all a blur now.  I just remember browsing for hours on the Netflicks website for "educational" films that would allow me an early vacation, but I couldn't justify watching Shrek, P.S. I Love You, or the Sex and the City movie to administration.  

Anyway, 2008 went out with a refreshingly uneventful bang.  I just wanted to get through the last few school days of the year without any drama. Mission Accomplished and I even got some gifts.  I can't lie, the best part of teaching are the gifts.  Christmas cards, Starbucks gift cards, and cashmere gloves are enough to make a 1st year, overworked teacher cry.  Not to be overemotional, but I just wasn't expecting any gifts.  I've been a hard ass, uptight, and short with my students more times then I would like to admit.  I'm ashamed of my behaviour at times and often want to explain my crankiness on lack of sleep, little pay, too much paper work, and an administration that wants me to take on another class.

But enough with the past.  The start of a new year is magical. It's the wiping of the slate, the start of new possibilities, and a way to graciously start over with out looking like a quitter.  Some of my new years resolutions are to leave work no later than 4.30 at least 3 days a week, exercise, read more, and not to stress over the things I can't control... be happy with mediocre (at times).

I'm really hopeful for the rest of the school year, but can't wait for the summer break :)

Ms. P.