class of 09

The day that I thought would never come, came.  Today was my last day teaching English to the class of 2009.  Admittedly I was bitter towards my students up until I saw them all again today in class.  Recently my character and professionalism was attacked by some disgruntel and jealous seniors.  After repeated attempts to build relationships with my seniors I stopped and just became their teacher who they saw for 41 minutes 5 days a week.  After some heated discussion about some students' grades and after they saw a more happier teacher with the underclassman they approached the principal with some bogos stories about me.  

Do students not realize that teaching is my job.  I poured every ounce of me into teaching English to young people, and I left my family (and everything I knew) and picked up my life to work in an urban area.  Making false allegations about a teacher because "she's mean" is unfathomable to me.  My youth has been a downfall for me because students see me as an equal and not a teacher.  

Sigh. With all of that happening this week and still playing on the back of my mind I wanted everything to end swiftly today.  My co-teacher planned a Monster Bash for the seniors where they would share a letter to an underclassman about their experience in high school.  The sharing time was in parts sweet but also awkward.  It's no secret that 90% of my students do not like me or my class and some of what was said were backhanded comments about me and my class.  

How do I be an adult in this kind of situation?  I wanted to interject in parts and say, "you can be the change that you want to see in the class and in the world", "you're not graded on potential but on demonstrated ability", "just showing up is not enough", "no where is it written that Senior year should be 'easy breezy'", "i'm not the enemy."

I didn't say any of that.  Instead I read The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer to them and wished them on their way.  Well, it's over.  One more month left and then I will officially be done with my first year of teaching in a public high school in New York City.  

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the sliver of the full moon, "Yes!" It doesn't interest me who you are and how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back. It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.  The Invitation

i am no pirate

Of course, this week could not just come and go.  The final text of the year that my seniors studied was Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons' Watchmen.  The book's great and tied in well with the yearly themes that circled around literature's most famous monsters, misfits, and villains. 

Though the movie version was released in early March the DVD is still not out yet.  But that doesn't stop the mad hunt for a good quality Watchmen dvd.  I didn't even really want to watch the movie in class and is happy ending the year on an academic note, but things are done differently at my new school.  So a cushy last few days are in order for the students, but I have to work my ass off trying to get a copy of this stupid DVD. 

*sigh*  Where do my days go?  I got home at 4, walked the dog, made dinner, and it's already past 10.  How did this happen?  I'm currently watching the Ethan Hawke version of Hamlet.  Tomorrow and Friday I will be showing two different versions of Hamlet to continue the discussion on literary criticism and literary interpretation.  I am tired.  With June just around the corner my body and mind are struggling not to take an early break.  

What will I do over the summer?  What should I do over the summer?  I can't lush about all day, but I also don't want to work myself to death.  What to do?  Hopefully as the time nears I'll have some fun and unique opportunity present itself.  Any suggestions?  Until then, back to Hamlet.

4 more days

OMG!  Just 4 more days left of classes for the seniors!!!  I can't even articulate into words how freaking excited I am that in less than a week I'll have part of this year behind me.  I still have to teach my juniors until the end of June, but those are the good kids.  After Friday no more shady seniors trying to weasel out of assignments or phony attempts of seniors trying to act like they care.  

When I was in high school I remember thinking to myself that senioritis is a self-imposed illness. It's like if someone were to give themselves swine flu just to say they had it and to say that they barely escaped it and thus are "bad ass."  I give my kids 4 days to write a 1 1/2 page paper on the Cold War and more than half can't do it.

Ugh. I'm not going to vent about them.  My time with them is thisclose to being a distant memory.  

Despite the difficult beginning and the rocky middle, the end of this school year is wrapping up pretty smoothly.  Am I finally getting the hang of this?  I can't wait to begin teaching 9th grade.  This next year to two years will be an incredibly time in my life.  Major decisions need to be made.  Where will I live next?  Where will I teach next?  What will I be next?  

Teaching has taught me a lot about myself.  I'm a teacher and then some.  I'm still trying to figure out what kind of teacher I will be and what else is in me.  I love to watch documentaries and movies about inspirational teachers and I can't see myself like that.  Being a teacher is so so so hard.  I'm burnt out and I'm not even done yet.  I can't sympathize with the lazy.  And at the end of the day I just want to be home with my dog.  

I get excited at the thought of coming into my own and it's excited to think that I still have time to figure life out.  

As of right now Stella is growing a foot every day it seems.  I'm going home in January.  And I still need to read Hamlet before tomorrow (probably won't happen).  

Omg. I'm so  excited. Just 4 more days.

the stuff made for tv movies

So, I guess you can say I won.  The problem student has been removed from my class and now I don't dread teaching my 6th period class.  It's amazing the affect that one person can have on the entire class.  There's probably a lesson here somewhere that I'm suppose to learn and meta-reflect on but for now I'm just thrilled that I don't have to fight anymore.  That I can do what I love to do, what I'm paid to do, and what I hope will leave a lasting impression on my students.

The idea for my course: Monsters, Misfits, and Villains came to me as I was preparing my final project for the graduate course on Teaching of Reading.   This year I've been able to test run my baby and only the Lord knew where the course would eventually land.  I could plan and hope all I want but no teacher ever truly knows where the direction of the class will ultimately end up.

Last week my students' end of the year papers were due.  The paper topic was simple, chose a theme that we've examine throughout the year and connect it to Watchmen and to two other texts we've read this year.  On Friday we shared bits from our paper and had a discussion about where we've gone this year.  Honestly, I didn't know where I was going with the conversation.  It was Friday, I was tired, and there wasn't much of a lesson planned for after the share and discussion.  I was pleasantly surprised though by my students' responses to how the course has impacted them.  

One student had a sort of epiphany as she said that this idea of labeling and "Othering" those that are different from society stops with us and with knowledge.  The biggest fighter of ignorance, racism, classism, and all the other -isms is just knowledge.  As she explained, the course opened her eyes to a topic that she never thought of before (how we treat those that are different and why they are then out-casted and called "monster").  

Gosh, what a great gift.  To see those light bulb moments take place right in front of you with the students that are hard than diamonds is enough to make a person want to do all this again.  I guess teaching is like childbirth... in the thick of it the thought of having another child is out of the question, but once the little baby is born you can't help but think about the possibilities of doing all of this again.   

We shall see.

in short...

Tomorrow I will find out what happens to the student that has been a royal pain in the ass this entire year.  What I've heard through the teacher grapevine is that she will be removed from my class for the duration of the year (yay!), but that she will be moved to a 9th grade class room to act as a teacher's assistant (what the f!).  This is a rumor that I heard from the teacher that was a approached to make use of her, but I'll find out officially tomorrow during my meeting with the principal.  

This whole situation has brought a lot of things to light.  

1.  I have AMAZING colleagues who not only listen to me, but support me, help me problem solve, and who go out of their way to also help in the situation.

2.  That teenagers are scary and that few administrations know how to successfully handle them.  

3.  Every penny that I spent to get Stella (with the BF) has been absolutely worth it.  She has been my nurse, my friend, my tear-picker-upper, and my walking buddy when I've needed to get out of the house and away from the piles of paper that threaten me everyday.  

4.  At the ripe old age of 25 I'm still learning!  I thought I was now an adult that can sit back and dispense wisdom and never folly, but everyday I learn something new about myself that I never knew was in me, like... I'm a cryer, I'm stronger than I give myself credit, I do still give a damn, and that I am still trying to figure out who the heck I am.

With the end of the year approaching the good is starting to out weigh the bad.  I went on a Marc Jacobs shopping spree to treat myself and those goodies should be coming within a week.  The BF is almost done with law school (we can hopefully go on a proper vacation), and one of my best friends is coming to visit me at the end of June and I can't wait.  

until tomorrow...

a first year teacher has rights

What happens when a teacher feels unsafe in her own classroom?  How are teachers protected? What are my rights?  So often we hear about unsafe classroom situations from the student's perspective- bullying, old and beat up classroom furniture, school shootings... I've yet to read a newspaper article or watch a segment on the nightly news about the abusive and unsafe conditions created by students and inflicted on their teacher.

I am by no means a weak person.  I've been referred to once or twice as a cold-hearted snake, and I like it.  As a single woman living in the city I have to have some kind of fortification around myself to protect my most prized possession, my heart.   I'm left scratching my head at the immense lengths government and the DOE (Department of Education) goes to protect the children, but leave their teachers vulnerable and with no shield, no protection.  

I wrote an email last night, a cry for help, to my administration because I felt myself unraveling again as I'm dealing with students practicing uncivil disobedience towards me and my class.  On an almost daily basis I'm berated, glared at, disrespected, and verbally and emotionally abused. Why is it that when I mention this administration that I'm left to sort out my problems on my own, but that students are given the opportunity to speak, to be heard, and to helped. 

There are 23 days left of the semester for the seniors and I'm throwing in the towel.  At my school special education teachers are paired with the general education teachers.  I've offered my general education position to the special education teacher because I don't want my bitterness, ill feelings, and apathy to be felt by the students.  

What's the fallback plan for a teacher?  What positions can I apply for with my skill sets and degree?   Below are the bill of rights that I'm crafting for first year teachers.  Feel free to add to the bill or rights. 

A first year teacher has the right to pick/appeal their program if they feel that their given program is too demanding, unrealistic, or unfairly given to them because they are new

A first year teacher has the right to stand up for themselves if they feel abused by school or students without fear of repercussions

A first year teacher has the right to have more personal and sick days (just their first year) to help speedy recovery and to help alleviate stress

A first year teacher has the right to mess up 

A first year teacher has the right to go out in the middle of the week and not feel guilty or overwhelmed by work

A first year teacher has rights.